I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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