Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
