speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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