saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
honey bunches of taint.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
