That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
