can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
