Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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