Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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