I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
