I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
