Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
