In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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