How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
