Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
