can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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