i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
