i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize