i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
