Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
