i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We left the knife in your bed.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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