I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
True college students do jello shots in the library
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
