wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so let's talk penis.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
