just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
