take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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