Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she peed on how many people?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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