You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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