I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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