he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
