She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
