Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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