literally had 100 drinks last night.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
