if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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