I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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