when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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