Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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