I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
