Can i not drive my cunt home
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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