Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
