it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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