I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We got so high we made milksteak
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
