Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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