i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
