Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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