Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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