UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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