Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
