I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
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Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
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with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize