I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
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I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
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Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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