it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
