ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
BRING THE BAGELS
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
