the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
