I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She's just so happy...and so naked.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
