the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize