she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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