Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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