I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
