new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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