I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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