i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
