I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
