Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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