I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
