she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
