Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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