Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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