i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
