I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
