for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Oh god it's open bar.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
