HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
