Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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