NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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