I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
