I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
