Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
