allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
