Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
