in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
