i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
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Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
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Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize